Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Comments From The Supercoach- Reasonable?

Greetings all from the Coach. After a hiatus last week due to tragic events in Christchurch, the Comments are back, and as you may have noticed, in a new incarnation, which we hope you enjoy. Today we’ve got a report on the problems of fantasy teams in sport from Stats Guru and Office Pariah Roby Towe, while Wallace B. Jack wades into the debate surrounding the suspension of Mensa candidate Ma’a Nonu.

Hatred vs Reason

   As a devotee of many sports, I play a number of fantasy prediction style games online. Currently I’m involved in two Premier League games, a tennis game and the Cricket World Cup fantasy league. Now, this is all good fun and for the most part serves to increase my interest in the sports involved. The tennis game in particular is great: each week I pore over draws and rankings, and follow the results very closely, something I would probably only otherwise do at the major tourneys. And I’ve found myself tuning in every night to games at the ongoing Cricket World Cup between teams I could really care less about. But there can also be a downside, one which forces you to confront ugly truths about yourself.
   For instance, probably my favourite batsmen in the New Zealand team to watch is Martin Guptil. But when NZ were chasing down a meager total against Kenya, I was desperate for him to get out so that Jesse Ryder, who I had in my team at the time, could come in and score some runs, and in doing so, score my team some points. I love watching Chris Gayle go wild with the bat, wanted him to propel the West Indies to victory over South Africa, but was delighted when he got out cheaply as I didn’t have him in my team whilst several of my competitors did. That said, I was disappointed that he didn’t get out to Dale Steyn, who was in my team. As you can maybe appreciate, things get a little complex.
   Worse still are my prejudices. I have Cheating Brad Haddin in my team, one of the most despicable human beings I can imagine, and I am subsequently happy when he scores runs, something that goes against the very fibre of my being. And yet I still can’t bring myself to pick Shane Twatson, who has scored huge points in every game. Horrible conflict. These hatreds cripple me the most when it comes to the Premier League. I will never succeed in my Fantasy Team league because I simply cant bring myself to pick certain players, particularly those who play at Man U, Sp*rs or Chelsea. This severely hinders my points scoring ability. And in my pick-the-score game I am never going to win any major prizes because if you pick Sp*rs to lose every week, no matter the opposition, this simply isn’t going to eventuate.
   So in the end these games present quite a dilemma to a sports fan: do you go against your heart and pick teams/players you hate, hoping that they succeed so that you do well in a (let’s face it) pointless game, despite the fact that in reality you crave their failure? Or do you just back the sides or individuals that you love, whilst knowing that you are dooming yourself to online failure? A twisted dilemma for sad individuals.
   As a final word on this, Rowan Sane, often known as Samwise Rowe, seems to have some sort of golden touch, having picked both hat-trick takers at the World Cup so far in his team. Jammy b’stard. Though not as flukey as Fat Philandering Shane Warne who actually picked the tie between England and India. For what it’s worth, I’m going with South Africa, Australia, India and Pakistan for the semis, and Slinga Malinga to destroy our top order in about 30 minutes flat.
-Roby Towe

Cheers for that Roby, you really are a boring little fool. Now over to Wallace B. Jack.

Eh? What?

   G’day to all of ya. I need to make one thing clear before I embark on this little convo: I was fully in favour of the Hurricanes/Crusaders match being called off after the quake in Christchurch. Let it not be said too often in these pages that I’m a total heartless wonker- that’s what my two ex-wives are for. However, the incident has raised a couple of issues.
   Firstly, the decision to award each side two points by classifying the match as a draw. Is this good for the Canes, who were so shiteful in their opening game against the Highlanders that they probably didn’t stand a chance against the Crusaders? Or does it benefit the Crusaders, who would’ve been playing away from home? Tough point, doesn’t really matter much though.
   What does matter is the decision to extend the suspension of Ma’a Nonu by an extra week. This is just downright bizarre. Don’t get me wrong; the man’s capacity for idiocy knows no bounds. The late shoulder challenge he put in when already on a yellow card is the mark of a very very foolish fool. Rugby supporters all over Kiwiland, and you must also assume the All Black coaches, will now be thinking very seriously about whether you want that kind of unrestrained stupidity running around on the field during a crucial World Cup match. But he was punished accordingly. Sent off with a lengthy spell left in a game his side subsequently lost, and suspended for a week. Fair enough.
   Until that is the one week became two. It is not his fault or his team’s fault or anybody’s fault that his next match was called a draw without a scrum being collapsed repeatedly in anger. If he had been injured he wouldn’t have played last week and the suspension would not have been lengthened. If he had needed to suddenly travel to Ecuador for emergency surgery on his eye-lash extensions his suspension would not have been lengthened. But for some reason, because an act of nature occurred, they decided Nonu and the Canes needed further punishment. I honestly can’t get my head around this decision, and I wonder what those of you out there who have managed to read through to this point make of this. Drop us a line and let us know. Cheers.
-Wallace B. Jack

   Provocative rantings there, no doubt as ever inspired by a few of those tall cans of DB Draught.
   Before we sign off, a couple of things the Coach would like to draw your attention to:
- Cashley Cole, now of Chelsea, formerly of Arsenal. This guy is a prize tosser. He left Arsenal after being disgusted that they were only offering to pay him 60,000 pounds per week, after illegally engaging in transfer talks with Chelsea. Sounds ridiculous, but this is nothing special in the rarefied world of arrogance in which professional footballers exist. But then this: he brings in the most powerful air rifle legally available in England to his training ground, who the funk knows why, and then shoots a work experience student from five feet away. Nice. He has apparently been fined 250,000 pounds by the club. Sounds harsh right? Wrong. This equates to about 3 weeks pay on his current salary. What. A. Wonker. Super premeditated karma that it was his penalty miss that saw Chelsea knocked out of the FA Cup a week or so before the incident.
- and in other transfer news, it looks highly likely that Marco Rojas is set to leave the Wellington Phoenix. This was always going to happen at some stage, but it’s a shame they couldn’t hold onto him for at least another year. Here’s hoping he eventually makes his way over to Europe.

   That’s it for today. Apologies for any technical difficulties with the new format. The Comments team has the collective computing IQ of a young Pygmy child, but we will endeavor to get on top of any issues asap.

   Have a good one.


  1. First to post- oohh Gen Y cream my pants moment
    Grand blob thingy there Roby
    So we'll be one point away from the Mancs if we beat Sunderland...we know what gonna happen then.

  2. and I see that it automatically add links like it did with that Gen Y comment. Oh there it goes again. I wonder if it will link on Water Sheringham

  3. DOh it didn't. Now I have to send the link

  4. hmm why does that link appear invisible (hover mouse). I should have given up on my first comment. Spot the Gen X. Oh haha it links that just to rub my face in it- Doh

  5. Excellent to see a blog up and running even if Geeza does need a chalkboard.